The 5 most annoying things on the internet
Okay. So, like all of them, this one was funny at first. Paha, look at the supposed dark lord, doesn’t even have a nose. He had one in the first film now he doesn’t, isn’t it hilarious!? No. No it isn’t. I don’t understand why people get such amusement out of mocking a fictitious character. You can’t look at it and think “WOAH. YOU SHOWED HIM.” because he isn’t actually REAL. Voldemort doesn’t particularly give a shit if you insult him, mainly because he’s completely fictitious. But a little bit because he’s probably just so tired of hearing it right now. He was SUPPOSED to look like a snake, he was supposed to look evil. Voldemort with a nose would take some of the scary aspect out of it. But I think my main problem with it is how obvious it has become now. Every time there’s a picture of Voldemort, you can pretty much guess the comment. Unimaginative jokes irritate me, and that’s why Internet memes in general aren’t really my favourite things. 4. The autocorrect fail.  Ah. We’ve all been here. Trying to type a word and, oh, autocorrect changes it! Such hilarity! That’s fine, that’s cool, that’s funny. But what isn’t funny is all the so called ‘autocorrect fails’ that plague the Internet. Some are probably genuine, but most are just so obviously fake. “Aw, I meant to type forks and now I’ve told my mum I want her to pick up some fucks, aw no, I’m going to be grounded for a week!” The last one of these I saw was the phrase ‘make it up to you’ being changed to ‘sex’. What kind of phone does that!? The naïve mum ones are just as bad. Her sending ‘LOL’ when someone’s died because she thinks it means ‘lots of love’. It seems blatantly obvious that they’ve simply renamed their ‘mum’ contact, as well as reusing jokes which we’ve all read a million times by now, just in another format. The jokes are too hard to prove as genuine, and all seem faked. If not, then I also think the fact that you didn’t do it yourself seems to ruin some of the humour. They seem like very weak jokes, relying on a swear word to make people laugh. 3. Justin Bieber jokes.  Oh dear God. Everyone knows Justin Bieber, and everyone who has ever been on the Internet knows the jokes. Justin Bieber is gay. Justin Bieber is a girl. Justin Bieber has a small penis. Yes. We get it. Earlier I said how unimaginative jokes annoy me. There is nothing more unimaginative than this. These aren’t witty, or funny, or shocking. I don’t like Justin Bieber, I hate his fans, I dislike his music, and he seems like a bit of a cocky git. But it doesn’t make me happy to see everyone insulting him in such obvious and childish ways. It makes you look petty and jealous, even if you’re not. Not a day goes by without his name being mentioned somewhere on the wide, wide interweb. To make a problem go away, you ignore it. You don’t rile his millions of irritating fans and keep talking about him to make him go, okay. Not how you do it. 2. Captions.  Now, most memes are captions, so I have to be more specific. The photosets where people pose with the captions underneath, giving instructions and advice are what I’m actually talking about here. The people themselves are horrible wannabe scene kids with horrific poses which boast such arrogance that I want to punch them all in the face. The advice itself is usually something like ‘if you want girls like us’ or ‘you’re a slut if’, and things like that, which manages to play on stereotypes and calls perfectly normal girls sluts. Hurrah! Nice one, well done, you judgmental fucks. They’re up on their moral high ground, but even worst is when someone tries to take them off of that high ground with a comeback. A comeback which has the exact same problems as the first one had originally, as well as usually being wonderfully unfunny. 1. Like this if…  This is the kicker. Oh boy. The old ‘like this if you agree’ or ‘like if you do this!?!!!??!’ I suppose it’s not really a bad idea, it gives you a number of how many people like a certain thing, that’s kind of interesting if you were doing some kind of poll, or vote. But they never bloody are. Instead, it’ll be something like “like this if you touch your face when on the computer.’ I truly weep for humanity when I see so many likes and realise people must have gone ‘Oh my God, I totally do that! It’s like you’ve known me my whole life!’ It’s something which is so painfully obvious that it’s simply done for likes. Likes! On Facebook! Which mean literally nothing. Less than nothing. Things that don’t actually exist and do nothing for your life. It doesn’t have a purpose, and it irritates me that some people actually think that it’s intelligent. It just isn’t. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Leo Thorncroft - Writing for The Idle Scribe |
